"People always think something's all true."

"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around—nobody big, I mean—except me. And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff—I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I’d do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be. I know it’s crazy."

Perhaps you don't recognize the picture of this man in his earlier years. Perhaps you wouldn't recognize one of him taken two days ago, either. What you would recognize is his name. This unfamiliar face is that of Jerome David Salinger, better known as J.D. Salinger.

J. D. Salinger died yesterday at the age of 91.

Sure, you may not care much, but I really felt I wanted... needed... to write something... anything.... about it.

Most famous for Catcher and the Rye, Salinger was highly criticized for some of his works. He was called crazy, insane, inappropriate. Some of his works were just downright depressing. However, they were acclaimed as brilliant, inspiring, and deeply thought provoking by so many others. Now, I'm not saying he needed the often harsh words to get his point across, but I am saying that he had a fantastic mind that he shared with the world through his literature, and for that thousands upon thousands have been (and will continue to be) impacted through.

"It's everybody, I mean. Everything everybody does is so--I don't know--not wrong, or even mean, or even stupid, necessarily. But just so tiny and meaningless--and sad-making. And the worst part is, if you go bohemian or something crazy like that, you're conforming just as much as everybody else, only in a different way." -Franny and Zooey

"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you'll start missing everybody."

"Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them — if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry."

You should pick up and read something by him. If Catcher and the Rye is not your taste, I understand. Franney and Zooey is a fantastic piece of literature. Some of his short stories, like For Esme - With Love, are the best works of prose out there. Whatever your opinion is on the man, I respect that.

He has left us with a little piece of his mind and soul in each and every one of his stories.

And as of now, that is all we have left of him.

I pray he is with our Savior in heaven, revealing to all deceased believers the wonders of the new iPad.

xx

Lost Travels

I took this picture last March when Alyson and I spent Spring Break in Nashville. We miss it, very much so. Therefore, we have decided to road trip it back down there in May. Glorious news, folks. Glorious. I am SO willing to wake up at 5 am to go see Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman getting their post-workout java.

Anywho, I went to a new Christian bible study type group thing last night with some friends. They happened to be having the genders meet separately, as they do every so often. So it was just a cozy atmosphere with a bunch of girls having hot chocolate and cheesecake sitting by the fireplace listening to the speaker. It was SO GOOD. The topic was on contentment. Contentment is one of those topics that finds its way into relating with every single living human being, regardless of their situation. The beginning was kind of humorous, because she was showing us pictures of some things that make many girls content. She had a few pictures of things like chocolate, coffee, and adorable puppies... but the last picture showed a groom holding a bride. The whole room simultaneously just let out this longing sigh.

"I hit something there, didn't I?" She said, smiling.

Stacy and I just smiled at each other. Oh the complexity, yet simplicity of the female mind.

She also had a pillow from when she was younger with all the things that make her feel earthy contentment sewn in. It was such a neat idea. This is one of my favorite passages from the night,

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Phillipians 4:12

Yesterday I listened to some songs from Aaron and Cora's wedding cd, and I remembered how much I love love Raging Sea by Michael W. Smith. Therefore, I absolutely need to post the lyrics.

"Sometimes the journey makes you weary,

Feels like a long and winding road.
Sometimes this life can lose it's meaning,
But you might be surprised to find some hope.
Maybe you're wondering where love is,
You may feel it's far away from here.
Maybe you're wondering where I am,
You might be surprised to find I'm near.

And when your life is tossed and turning,
And your on the raging sea,
I'll come and pull you from the water
Then you will know that you are free.

So if you're stumbling through the valley,
Or if you're tempted to give up the fight,
Reach out your hand and I will lead you,
I will be your strong arm in the night."

One more topic. Lost. The final season starts one week from today, folks. One week. It's quite bittersweet, but all good things must come to an end, as I suppose 'they' say. This is good and right that it ends now, otherwise it would just be too long. Being the hopelessly nostalgic person I am, I am kind of sad I don't get to watch the final season with my Lost boys and Mommy back home. However, the final episode airs May 23. This means I'll get to watch at least 2-3 of the final episodes with my original Lost buds and my mommy. Also, I do have a Lost boy up here at college to watch it with, so everything will be okay until I go home. No worries, children.

Benjamin Linus is kind of like the Lost version of Severus Snape. Don't you agree?

Alright, this is about all for now. I pretty much adore you.

Rad: Life.

Unrad: Almost having to buy a new lab manual.

"Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!" - Albus Dumbledore

I prefer the snail to your finger typing.

Sleep deprivation leads me to stay up longer at night for no apparent reason. However, this is when I do most of my thinking and writing. So, it works out well in the end. One night this week as a result of my unwillingness to crawl in bed despite my body's inner yearning for rest, I opened my closet door, reached for the top shelf, and pulled out a small rubbermaid jam packed with letters.

I blew a small trace of dust off the top, and pried the cover off until letters of every color revealed themselves for the first time since summer. Contained in this box were light, nonsensical letters, deep meaningful letters, colored dinosaurs, letters from friends back home, letters from friends at camp, letters from secret encouragers, getting to know you letters, letters that meant the world, and letters that meant next to nothing. Also kept in this box are a few of my favorite Staff growth handouts, and articles. I kept them all. These were a few things I went through.

Scroll upon scroll, and the tan envelopes used by this person after he ran out of scrolls. His letters were something I looked forward to every single day at one point of the summer. We wrote so often that we couldn't afford going through camps daily inter-camp mail delivery. This was time consuming, but worth it. I saved every single one, but let me tell you. Scrolls are hard to not completely squish.

Letters from Krista. Always a day brightener. Some were inter-camp, some were from home on the weeks she wasn't Jr. Staffing. Just to give you an example of how amazing this girl is, two summers ago we met because we did a week together on Jr. Staff. Our night off reflection got pretty personal, as they usually do, and I remember her reflection answer perfectly. It was everything I wanted to say, but was too scared to admit. Well, I thanked her for saying what she did and the next day she sent me a letter that said "Allyson, you are SUCH an inspiration to me." Goodness knows I didn't deserve that, I'd known her only for a matter of days.

We always seem to find our selves in similar situations, and I believe this is when we really started to bond. One of her letters ends with this passage that I'll share,

"We are hard-pressed on every side but not crushed;perplexed but not in despair;persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed." 2 Cor. 4:8,9

Letters from a girl who happened to be hopelessly falling for a boy back home. She writes, "About a month ago, I was talking to (boy) on Fbook about how boring my job is. So he was all, 'Well you could text me...' So I was like, 'Well (boy), I'd need your phone number to text you...' So we started talking every day." In a different part of the letter she writes, "In church on Sunday, (boy) made this goal to actual talk to me. I was busy talking to tons of people, so RIGHT before his family was leaving he came up to me and was like,

'Hi.'

'Hi.' - Me

'Bye.' -Him

'Bye.' - Me

(but it was all cute and nervous and nerdy)"

I'll have you know, this boy and girl have officially been a couple for a few months now. ;]]

Matt's letter. This letter places in the top three of my summer. I read it again, and laughed even harder than when I received last summer. Filled with inside jokes, awkward rambles, and barely readable handwriting, this letter was probably one of the first he's written in his life. And I love him for it.

Risa's letters from back home, which made us realize we should have become closer a long time ago. Kim's letters filled with stickers for four year old's.

Letters from Hannah, the one I remember most had the sentence 'ALLYSON, MAKE ME APPLY FOR SALT STAFF' about ten times throughout the letter. This winter when I talked with her, she was hesitant, as she and I both knew she would be. However, I do believe her application is well on it's way. :]

A copy of the fox chapter from our Little Prince staff growth.

A letter I waited for.

A letter from two staffers who paired you up with someone else other than your prayer partner to answer a few unusual questions to get to know each other better. Mine was address to Adam and I. Adam, do you remember my favorite flower? Or how often I think about building tree forts? Or my perfect sock? I remember yours. But it says we had to come up with a secret handshake. ADAM, WE HAD A SECRET HANDSHAKE?! I cannot remember this, how could we forget this handshake. How can I remember your perfect sock, but not our secret handshake?!

...and many MANY more letters, drawn pictures, and muse from several different people. I love everything.

This was a longer blog, mostly for my benefit. Sorry if none of this means anything to any of you, I didn't really mean it to. Man, I'm selfish.

Rad: The fact that Autumn served T SWIFT yesterday at Starbucks.

Unrad: Making your son kill his hamster with a hammer for bad grades. Seriously.

Slow Motion

"Dear God,

You are officially classy. Catch me when I jump.

Thanks.

Love, Krista"

My dear dear friend Krista has a prayer at the end of every one of her blogs. This is her most recent. It made me smile, and I love her so much. She just sent in her camp application, one of around 16 first year girls applying for 4 spots. I'm nervous for them, because so many of them are some of the most beautiful, influential, talented girls in my life. So many more than four of them deserve to be on staff this year, there just aren't the spots. I, for one, am glad I'm not doing the hiring. Pray, pray, pray.

I'm wearing my brewer baseball cap today. It giving this dusk, dreary, damp day a feeling of summer nostalgia. Spring Training is, after all, right around the corner. ;]

Today I was in one of the bathrooms in the library, and discovered that all of the metal wastebaskets attached to the paper towel dispensers had a thick layer of duck tape over them, forcing you to throw your paper towels away in the plastic waste basket by the door. Upon discovering this, I tapped the duck tape on each waste basket and discovered they all had different pitches. So, for a few minutes I stood alone in the 2nd floor library bathroom tapping out different rhythms for my own enjoyment.

We shall meet again, 2nd floor bathroom.

Next time I shall inconspicuously sneak in drum sticks.

This could result in awkward confrontations.

I'm really confused right now. I think I'm taking life too seriously at the moment. However, I think life is moving too fast right now. This is a contributing factor to each of my aforementioned problems. Does anybody know how to slow life down? Adding friction. That's how you slow things down. Also, asthma attacks. Broken Limbs. Perhaps lathering peanut butter on the ground? Breaking a tree branch? I will try these things.

... I have no peanut butter.

You just wait life, soon I will be able to come at you with peanut butter and a plastic biodegradable knife. Huzzah! A slower life is just ahead!

I'm sitting downstairs of the CSU as I write this, by the massive fireplace. Since I've started writing, Death Cab and Ingrid Michaelson have been played over the speakers. Right now Ingrid's song "Everybody" is playing. I love this song, and her. She makes me smile.

Rad: This comic. Also, girl's night tonight.

Unrad: Weekends that disappear in the blink of an eye.

Albeit Her Sickness...

"And, this, is my brain

It's torturous analytical thoughts

Make me go insane.

And I use mouthwash,

Sometimes I floss.

I got a family,

And I drink cups of tea.

I've got nostalgic pavements,

I've got familiar faces,

I've got a mixed-up memory,

And I've got favourite places.

And I'm singing on a Friday night"

"Dancing at discos
Eating cheese on toast
Yeah you make me merry

make me very very happy"

AHH. Sometimes I forget how much I LOVE Kate Nash. Her lyrics win for cute, blunt, and relatable. While searching for my favorite lyrics of hers, I was reminded that her WHOLE Made of Bricks cd is wonderful and real.

Yesterday was a fantastic day. I can't even pin point exactly why... it just was. As is life as of lately. I'm just having a lot of fun and breathing deeper than I ever thought possible (Except for my little asthma attack the other night. I apologize, lungs, for forgetting you need inhaling assistance occasionally). I'm meeting so many wonderful people this semester, my lab partner is fantastic, I'm playing my french horn, our choral music rocks, my friends are so lovely, and most of my classes are just downright fun.

Also, yesterday I purchased heels and OPI for under $10. This definitely doesn't hinder a girl's mood.

Well, that and the fact that re-reading Harry Potter is simply delectable. I forgot how much humor lies throughout the series. There's something weirdly nostalgic about being introduced to characters and situations in the first book that are already fully developed in your head. It's weird knowing the fate of these newly explained magical characters.

So, I was excited to go to the St. Olaf concert this Sunday. Well, guess what? It's during the Vikings game. Try getting your Minnesotan friends to skip that. It's a lost cause. Even the geekiest choir geeks. Sigh. I won't give up hope, I really want to go. I wonder if they give discounts to alumni's children. We give them money, don't we father?? They call us enough!

I'm seeing Avatar again tomorrow. I kind of really want to see Lovely Bones more, but Josh hasn't seen Avatar, and I feel as though every boy should see it in theaters. Therefore, I will oblige to this. Especially since it's free for me. ;]]

So that Pants on the Ground fella on American Idol has been pretty big news this last week, and I love Andrew (DJ Nostalgia) dearly... so I shall promote his remix. The remix has 80,000 views already, and the dance video of his crazy misfit friends has 13,000.

Disclaimer (mostly to my mother): This is NOT all Andrew does. This might be kinda intense and weird for you, mommy... but I know you don't understand what he does. Don't take this as an explanation.)

Stacy and I are seeing We The Kings, Mayday Parade, and A Rocket to the Moon next weekend in the cities. I AM EXCITED. Especially because "Smile Kid" is We The Kings fantastic new album, and there's just something about concerts that leaves you elated. Whether it's Josh Groban... Ben Folds... or We The Kings. They're just fun.

Rad: DUDLEY IS A STUD!

Unrad: Lack of coherence in most of my blogs. : /

alwayslove;;

Delete.

"If the Party could thrust its hand into the past

and say this or that even, it never happened—

that, surely, was more terrifying than mere torture and death."

-George Orwell, 1984

Deletion. Sometimes, deletion is scary. Other times, it's a relief. Perhaps it's a situation which both of those adjectives are accurate.

Deleting. Exhilarating, refreshing, painful, difficult, purposeful, accidental, frightening beyond belief.

Delete. A Permanent farewell.

Why is the act of deleting something so scary? Is it because it erases proof of it ever happening? Is it because we now know what we've deleted only exists in our slowly failing, fading memory? Maybe it's because we're afraid regretting this permanent farewell.

Usually you think of accidental deletion as the most painful. One time when I was little, I accidentally deleted over a hundred unlocked level codes for one of my cousins favorite computer games. Another time, I accidently deleted every song on my iPod. These aren't fun. Relief is not an adjective associated with these deletions. With that being said, other times relief is the dominant adjective associated with deleting things that have to do with mistakes you've made.

The process of forgetting is your mind's natural way of deleting. Sometimes, we wish we would never forget our memories. Yet, other times we cannot forget them fast enough. Each is a gift, a blessing.

The gift to hold on, and the gift to let go.

However, our minds are not randomly selective. We naturally hold on to things we want to let go, and let go of things we want to hold on to.

Would we change this if we had the choice? Well, one of the "solutions" would be similar to Alzheimers. I don't think anyone would wish this upon themselves, or anyone. However, the "solution" on the other side of the spectrum would be to have an impeccable memory. I once saw a woman on 20/20 who remembers 99% of everything in her life, as precisely detailed as it had happened five minutes ago. While she says many people often tell her they wish they had what she was able to do, she says she wishes she did not have such a remarkable memory. Deaths, breakups, mistakes... everything bad and good remains as fresh in her memory as a newly picked strawberry. She is without the blessing of the natural fading memory healing mechanism.

The things we delete are often permanently cast away. They will go from living in an obtainable concrete existence, to fading into memories only we know as once real. We must be careful with such a powerful tool.

What a frightening process.

What a blessing.

Rad: Martin Luther King Jr. Also, Martin Luther. Also, this... it raises the question, "What CAN you do with a Poe bust?"

Unrad: I have no complaints about this day of sorts.

Says here an astronaut put on a pair of diapers, drove eighteen hours to kill her boyfriend. And in my hotel room, I'm wondering if you read that story too. And if we might be having the same imaginary conversation.

Wake Me Up.

You said "See look, that's yours. Stacked on top with your brother's See how they resemble one another Even in their plastic little covers"

And I said I know it well.

-Bon Iver

I gave Rachel's little Bon Iver friend another try. I was determined to really feel into his music. The first time I tried when Rachel first told us about her little famous friends, I tried, got bored, and just paid more attention to Daredevil Christopher Wright (like my mom [: ).

But seeing as you hear about Bon Iver everywhere these days, I was determined to give him another try. So I thoroughly listened to his music (I mean really listened) side by side with with lyrics, and really enjoyed a few. So, I now have a new found appreciated for Bon Iver, and will continue to listen to his music. You can go tell him that now, dear sister. :]

I just heard an interview with Ke$ha. She's the ultimate goof. Weird, but not crazy creepy weird. *cough*

She said she likes guys with mustaches, mullets, and who have a hard time seeing so that they don't look at other girls. So, start growing the facial hair, boys. And take out your contacts.

Oh! E.E. Cummings. (This is an explanation for the poem in my last blog)

"Grasshopper. Who as we look up now gathering into a T, he leaps arriving to rearrangingly become grasshopper," This poem captures the image of how throughout life, a person spends their life changing themselves and comforming to different ideals. Only once they find who they are

they rearrangingly become themselves.

Cool, huh?

I have no insult today, I'm sorry. I'm just not feelin' it. I don't even really know why I posting this little piece of ramble. It was mostly to tell Rachel I like her friend. I have nothing more to say, and I have to go.

Rad: Having a number of loving options.

Unrad: Not going to bed till 5 AM.

<3

Conforming Non-Conformists

"When we arrive at eternity’s shore

Where death is just a memory and tears are no more

We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring

Your bride will come together and we’ll sing

You’re beautiful."

I like this picture. Not only do I like that it sparkles (of course), and that it looks as though her body was photoshopped, but I also just like the simplicity of it's message amidst all the sparkle. I think I'm begining a little of a feminism kick. In a good way. I finally purchased Captivating, and am very much looking forward to reading it. I need it.

I cannot even express how fantastic it feels to be in a class with people like me. Today in Literature, we were given five minutes to write a few things about the reviews we chose for Sorcerer's Stone. The entire time I just listened in to the two girls behind me discussing A Very Potter Musical. Oh. Goodness. I joined their small group for the next activity.

Some of the negative reviews we found online seemed to be written by ignorant readers who wrote these spiteful reviews about hating the book just because they didn't want to join the hype. This was just a personal opinion, but someone raised their hand and brought this up. Then we got into this whole thing about conforming non-conformists. Have you ever been a conforming non-conformist? I know I have. Those were in my younger days, though. Tehe.

Then! Then! We were discussing classic literature vs. contemporary, and how a lot that is popular now is just a fad and will fade out. Someone mentioned how they thought Twilight would fade out, and another girl mumbled, "I sure hope so." Bahaha. =]]

Next order of business. Conan O' Brien is one classy guy. Amidst all these NBC rumors, he released this letter to the population of the world. I always did like this man more than Leno. He just keeps supporting my opinion more and more with all this drama. Keep it classy, Conan.

Now for an insult:

"Lets meet as little as we can."

- As You Like It

I know this isn't fancily worded, but I find its blunt nature to be quite humorous.

I will leave you with one of my favorite poems by E.E. Cummings. I remember the first day I read this peom, when Katie introduced me to the brillaince that is E.E. Cummings. I have yet to find a poet that utilizes the parenthesis more than he. If you cannot figure it out, have no fear. I will explain next blog.

r-p-o-p-h-e-s-s-a-g-r

who

a)s w(e loo) k

upnowgath

PPEGORHASS

eringint (o-

aThe) :l

eA

!p:

S a

(r

rIvInG .gRrEaPsPhOs)

to

rea (be) rran (com) gi (e) ngly

,grasshopper;

Rad: Who knew Sufjan Stevens was so attractive?!

Unrad: My THURSDAYS.

Currently Reading: Twelfth Night and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone