"If the Party could thrust its hand into the past
and say this or that even, it never happened—
that, surely, was more terrifying than mere torture and death."
-George Orwell, 1984
Deletion. Sometimes, deletion is scary. Other times, it's a relief. Perhaps it's a situation which both of those adjectives are accurate.
Deleting. Exhilarating, refreshing, painful, difficult, purposeful, accidental, frightening beyond belief.
Delete. A Permanent farewell.
Why is the act of deleting something so scary? Is it because it erases proof of it ever happening? Is it because we now know what we've deleted only exists in our slowly failing, fading memory? Maybe it's because we're afraid regretting this permanent farewell.
Usually you think of accidental deletion as the most painful. One time when I was little, I accidentally deleted over a hundred unlocked level codes for one of my cousins favorite computer games. Another time, I accidently deleted every song on my iPod. These aren't fun. Relief is not an adjective associated with these deletions. With that being said, other times relief is the dominant adjective associated with deleting things that have to do with mistakes you've made.
The process of forgetting is your mind's natural way of deleting. Sometimes, we wish we would never forget our memories. Yet, other times we cannot forget them fast enough. Each is a gift, a blessing.
The gift to hold on, and the gift to let go.
However, our minds are not randomly selective. We naturally hold on to things we want to let go, and let go of things we want to hold on to.
Would we change this if we had the choice? Well, one of the "solutions" would be similar to Alzheimers. I don't think anyone would wish this upon themselves, or anyone. However, the "solution" on the other side of the spectrum would be to have an impeccable memory. I once saw a woman on 20/20 who remembers 99% of everything in her life, as precisely detailed as it had happened five minutes ago. While she says many people often tell her they wish they had what she was able to do, she says she wishes she did not have such a remarkable memory. Deaths, breakups, mistakes... everything bad and good remains as fresh in her memory as a newly picked strawberry. She is without the blessing of the natural fading memory healing mechanism.
The things we delete are often permanently cast away. They will go from living in an obtainable concrete existence, to fading into memories only we know as once real. We must be careful with such a powerful tool.
What a frightening process.
What a blessing.
Rad: Martin Luther King Jr. Also, Martin Luther. Also, this... it raises the question, "What CAN you do with a Poe bust?"
Unrad: I have no complaints about this day of sorts.
Says here an astronaut put on a pair of diapers, drove eighteen hours to kill her boyfriend. And in my hotel room, I'm wondering if you read that story too. And if we might be having the same imaginary conversation.
