Apolaustic - (n.) Devoted to enjoyment.

"Some flutterbies they enter and
Play around my soul
And once again part of me
Fills up to be whole

It's so beautiful up here now
Oh, i think i might just stay
All alone and by myself
so free and far away

Da da n' day da,

just flying in my aeroplane."

- Imogean Heap

Wonderful weekend. I shall formulate a list.

Things I did this weekend:

Played Blackjack and Texas Hold 'Em for the first time.

Ice Skated for the first time in three years.

Saw and caught up with one of my best friends whom I haven't seen since fall.

Got a lesson about puberty during my interview, while Martin Luther's bust awkwardly stared us down.

Got addicted to Greek with Alexa and Keren, and now must catch up on three seasons. I shall update you on my progress.(First one finished, wins?)

Was given a lot to think about.

Realized summer is coming freakishly close.

After a weekend in small town Minnesota, you know what I've been thinking about lately? Big cities and pretty countries. Particularly residing in them. I really want to study abroad now, at this present time. I feel like now, more than ever, is a great time for me to go somewhere. Do something. Hop on a plane and get a job selling old books and making coffee in a tiny box of a building in some foreign county. I could read, write, hike, bike, run, take pictures, learn new cultures, drink delicious coffee, study foreign works, meet completely unique people, and be in a place far away from what I'm used to. I'm ready for this in my life now, and I fear the longer I wait, the more my life may change and put me in a place where the opportunity would not be as easy or sensible. Perhaps it is not even sensible now, but I feel as though at age 19 if you are driven by a dream, it is okay for this dream to be a bit nonsensical.

Greece. Hustling, bustling, beautiful Greece.

Take me there, airplane.

When I was in high school, I had this plan formulated in my head. Go to college to get my general education credits somewhere in the midwest, and then get out and go somewhere new and exciting for my last two or three years of college. I never felt like this would be unfair to friends, to just pick up and leave for a far away place. One, because I have always been pretty good at keeping up with long distant friendships, since I've had to do this for quite the years now with some of my best friends. And two, because I'd meet new people wherever I chose to go to, and I had already formulated pictures in my mind of my new friends and I in these new exciting places.

I still like this plan.

I'm realizing more and more that my dream isn't necessarily a job. Everyone always asks young people what their dreams are, and you always hear, "Follow your dreams!". Well, I never knew what my dream was really... I never knew what I was passionate about enough to make it my highest dream. Because, many of my job "dreams" included devoting my life to jobs that are centered in California, but if I followed this, I would rarely see the ones I love and the nostalgic life I couldn't bare to live without for years at a time. Thus, my "dream" didn't seem worth pursuing. I feel as though, as I grow older, my "dream" is just to soak up as much enjoyment from life as possible. My dream is to see and experience as many of the beautiful, possibly small things in life that fascinate me as possible.

So, I shall try this. Greece is high on this list.

Finally, aside from my opinion that The Office is well past it's prime, I just watched the episode from two weeks ago, "Sabre", and really enjoyed it. Well, folks, John Krasinski directed it. He made the jokes real, actually humorous, and brought back the old Office style I grew to love. Also, he walked in on a grown man using a children's toilet. I love this man. :]

"There are very few things that would make me not want to team up with David Wallace, and 'Suck It' is one of them." - Michael Scott.

"It turns out a lot of parents want the very best for their children. That's weird." - Jim

"We're hoping our interview seals the deal." - Pam

"There's always the army. The infantry." - Jim

"Ooohkay." - Pam

Rad: This man is my hero.

Unrad: Paper? Oops.

Next Greek Episode: Season 1 Episode 5.

xx.

Pessimistically Optimistic.

"You should be wilder, you're no fun at all."

-Allison Sudol

...this line always makes me think of Laura Ingles Wilder. I bet she was wild.

Dears, do your days ever pleasantly surprise you?

I've found that in life if you wake up with a pessimistic attitude towards the day, it takes quite the obvious shower of optimistic events to change your attitude for the better. My Thursdays are my longest days. I have class from 9-3, one hour break, then class till nearly 5:30, with a Thursday night bible study or performance afterwards. So, it's a doozy to relentlessly charge through Thursdays with a smile. However, I think the knowledge that my Thursdays are tirelessly long, has forced me to find the joy in the smallest of events. This looked like it was going to be harder than usual, as I woke up 20 minutes before my class across campus. Albeit this unfortunate awakening, my day was just one of those good days that make you smile. Amongst these small events were: hilarious yet educational improv in my acting class, running into new friends, receiving another Valentine letter, and complements on my outfit from passersby.

And tonight, we went to the production of On The Razzle. It was so well done, as everything that our theater department puts on is. It's a play based of the same story as Hello, Dolly!. It was hilarious. It was nice knowing the basis of the storyline already, so it was easier to pick up on what was going on. I love having a fantastic theater department, just two blocks away. I am very much getting used to attending play productions twice a month. Man, they pump them out like nobody's business!

Last night was the 15th annual Battle of the Bands for the University. It was pretty legit. Excuse this word, legit, for I feel as though I have been way overusing it lately. Anywho, I fear this may seep into my blog as well. It really brought out the alternative/indie scene at school. That was refreshing. As every day passes, I keep on tweaking and fitting into my niche a little better. It was also enjoyable seeing people you know up revealing musical talents you didn't know they possessed. Anyway, a few participants may or may not have melted my heart... and we may or may not have purchased tickets to their next show... and we may or may not have received hugs from him... and we may or may not have Facebook stalked him. May or may not, guys. This is all hypothetical. ;]

Valentines candy has also helped my mood, as of late. Guys, I have never been a huge peep person, but I definitely will enjoy an occasional peep around Easter time. Especially if it's stale. So, this year my mom sent me Valentine's peeps. They are strawberry flavored hearts. Okay. They are definitely my new weakness. Yesterday, after working out, I came back and started reaching for one. Then I slowly took a step back after realizing the awfulness of the situation. Thus, I set the peep down, and still felt good about my newly exercised self. Horrible situation, avoided!

.... so I ate it later that night.

On an unrelated note, has anyone seen the play (or movie) Wit? It was recommended to my acting partner when we began looking for scenes to do. I looked it up and watched a clip on Youtube. I was instantly drawn in by one of my favorite actresses ever, Emma Thompson. It seems to be a very somber movie, and I can only imagine the difficulty it would present as a play. Anyway, I'd really like to see it, and I was wondering if anyone has seen it? Let me know. :]

Rad: Ice Skating. My upcoming friend intensive weekend. =]

Unrad: Alexander McQueen's suicide. :[

xx

What is Love? Baby, Don't Hurt Me.

I am writing a blog on Valentines Day, partially about Valentines Day, that does not contain a hint of angst. Alert the press, people. Allyson kind of... enjoys Valentines Day.

Valentines Day. First of all, will you all please nod your head in agreement that Valentines Day is just better when it's on the weekend? Whether you have a Valentine of not, when it's on a weekday it's just exposed so much more, making it so harder to avoid. Even if you're happily in love, and receive a great gift, no one likes seeing other people's boyfriends up your boyfriends by giving them a teddy bear bigger than your body and flowers that could fill a garden right in the middle of your class. No thank you. Ew. (Crap, is this a hint of angst?)

Anyway, there's this bulletin board on my floor this month that warns about STD's and has a list of things you could do with your man that that are sure ways to avoid STDs. Some of them are legit creative, cute ideas. However, every time I pass it I seem to find a new one on the board that causes a serious 'What. Why. Who? Seriously?!' brain spasm. For instance:

Things to do with you man on Valentines Day (as told by Gage A 10th floor bulletin board):

- Gaze at each other.

- Have a request played on the radio!

- Wash each others hair. (I am NOT making this up)

- Write a poem together. (I like writing poetry, but... no. No.)

- Make a CD of love songs together.

- Exercise together.

So, ladies and gentlemen, these are valid alternatives to getting STDs. Enjoy your time with your man, if you don't scare him off by telling him you want to wash his hair after you gaze into his eyes first. Oh goodness.

Across from this, there's a wall with paper hearts you can fill out answering who your valentine is. Someone wrote Albus Dumbledore. I seconded this notion.

Secondly. I was getting coffee before the movie today, and a woman passed me and said, "I love your tights, where'd you get them?" I smiled and thanked her, informing her they were a gift from my mom for Valentines Day. It partially made my day. I like strangers, sometimes. My mom has quality care packages, I'm not going to lie. The movie, Valentines Day, was cute. You should see it. It's definitely a chick flick, but it has unpredictable moments. I feel like more and more movies are taking the Love Actually approach of several different stories, tying many together. I like this style, a lot. I just hope they don't over do it. I listened to the soundtrack before seeing the film, and came across this gem. Although it makes a little more sense after seeing the movie, this frightens me.

Speaking of frightening, horrible, brain cell killing covers, after I heard this I had to listen to Iron and Wine's cover of Such Great Heights about 3 times before the screaming left my head. What's more romantic than someone screaming and banging his head to some of the most beautiful lyrics ever written? Nothing, folks. Nothing gets more romantic than this.

If you're a fan of Lost, you'll enjoy these valentines. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

There are more where those came from. They made me seriously laugh out loud. I made a booklet of them and gave them to my only friend here who actually watches the show. He appreciated them, as well. Captured heart? Success!

Rad: This blog is already full of linkage, but you should watch this hilarious video.

Unrad: I fail at thinking of unrad things.

xx

Happy Heart

So I keep this list. I'm sure you'll soon find it quite self-explanatory. Today, I will let you peek into this list, just a tad. Maybe I'll post more in the future, because the list seems to grow at a steady pace. Life seems to be a beautiful mess that never makes sense, yet fits together impeccably at the same time.

· I love the feeling you get when you realize someone else awake as well, as your entire time zone sleeps. Especially a stranger you interact with. Whether it be a restaurant, hospital, or airport... tt's like there's this tiny treasure of life you're sharing with a stranger when you both interact as the world (hemisphere) sleeps.

· I love feeling like you could conquer the streets after hitting your second wind during a jog that you were about to give up on seconds ago.

· I love knowing an intelligent fact about a topic you otherwise know nothing about. No one else needs to know you are quite ignorant on the topic.

· I love when accompanying instruments drop out on the most powerful verse of the entire song. Something about pure, raw voices elates your musical soul in a way little else can.

· I love paying attention and realizing the brilliance of lyrics to a song you've listen to dozens of times previously.

· I love starting a road-trip before sunrise. I wonder where every one else on the roads is headed to that early in the morning, and if they might even have half of your excitement for the anticipation of the trip and destination ahead.

· I love how when you enter a new situation with new people, you are scared of making friends, and often question how you have ever made friends. Then a month later after another great conversation or laugh with a friend, you turn to them and ask, "Can you believe we didn't know each other a month ago?" And never remember how or when you're friendship became so natural.

· I love changing into pajamas after you get home from a wet, cold day. Somehow, instantly, your heart feels warmer and lighter after you do.

· I love appreciating and discussing classical literature with other people just as passionate about it as you. It gives me hope.

· I love emotional, deep reflections at camp. Not only does it help the heart's involved become intertwined and help you relate to people you hardly know, but it also asks you to search a part of your heart you may have never vocalized before. Therefore, making you vulnerable, but knowing you can say anything because everyone loves, trusts, and won't judge.

· I love being able to drive down a street where you don't have to go more than 5 feet without being able to ramble off a memory that took place at that exact spot, and wanting to share it to any willing ears.

· I love being content with time. Time left, time spent, time away, time home, time until, time with. Time.

· I love watching a bride walk down the isle from outside the church doors. I was late, but I feel I, and my two other late friends, shared a private moment with the bride as she sets down the isle that few ever get to experience.

· I love knowing that there are dozens of songs yet to be written and produced that you will not be able to stop listening to in the future.

Rad: My family. My self - control to not eat the delicious food Josh forgets in my dorm room on a regular basis.

Unrad: Seriously. How can you have an unrad at the end of this blog?

Take Me.

"Life inside the music box ain't easy;

The mallots hit the gears are always turning,

And everyone inside the mechanism

Is yearning to get out,

And sing another melody completely...

So different from the one they're always singing.

I close my eyes and think that i have found me,

But then i feel mortality sorround.

I want to sing another melody,

So different from the one i always sing."

- Music Box, Regina Spektor

"Allyson. I hurt."

It's weekends like this I hate being so far far from people I care so much about. All I have to offer is words. Usually words are enough for me. I love words. However, I feel so helpless over the phone. I want to offer my presence as a means of comfort, not just words.

I hurt, because she hurts.

My instant "fix the situation" mode has kicked in, and so sitting here at my desk helpless, while she sits hours away does no good. There's a passage I want to post here, but I cannot find my little book of passages I hold close to my heart. Therefore, if you're reading this, I will text you this passage because I am not the only one that loves you.

There are two more parts to this blog.

One. A few weeks ago, the MVL choir sang at the church I attend. This was weird for me, because it's the first time I had seen another school do their Sunday program at a church since I had been in high school. I was excited, and it was all very good.... but it was weird. They sang five songs before the sermon, and then they left. Literally... they left the building. This strikes me as so odd, because of the routine that was pounded into my head throughout my high school choir days. We sang throughout the whole service, delivered the readings, sang the psalm, and stayed to greet before and after each service. (I like our way better) Anyway, they sang one song that I particularly enjoyed. Upon This Rock.

Finally, in band we were given two new, more meaningful pieces the other day to play for the part of our concert in which we remember a guy who survived the Hiroshima bombing. Or something like that, please don't be offended that I didn't listen to the whole story. As soon as my director mentioned Hiroshima my mind was immediately singing Ben Folds.

(The song he writes entirely about falling of the stage at a concert in Hiroshima. It's hilarious...)

Anyway, one of the songs was Salvation Is Created. Now, this is a very large piece to tackle. Not because of it's difficultly, just because it has so much power behind it, and you have to be careful not to damage it's flawless melody. It's particularly close to French Horn player's hearts. I got third part this time around, which was odd because the second horn part is cemented in my head, but I was okay with this. The girl who sits next to me (which happens to be the only person in my section with whom I enjoy talking), had the same reaction as I. Utter joy, and yet much hesitation. We both had such strong memories associated with this piece, we didn't want to beat those down.

So, we played the song a few times, and all I could think about is Vanguard. ALL I could think about. For some reason, this mental image of the percussion section with their hats off, heads bowed, and drum sticks crossed and rested in front of them flooded my mind. This mental image of the band in their semicircle formation, brass blaring out, while the crowd dared not to make a sound just took over my being. This was like, my childhood.

So, when we finished the song, and the girl next to me wiped her eyes and said, "Sorry, this song makes me cry." I replied with, "No, I completely understand. Completely understand." I assured her my mom cries every time too.

And at that moment, as she wiped her eyes and I let my goosebumps settle, I felt I had reached a deeper friendship with her. Some place I don't even know if I've been able to venture with many people I call my closest friends here.

Powerful thing, music is.

Rad: The fact that this same girl was wearing a Threadless T-shirt. I thought it was, but I wasn't positive, so I simply asked where she got her shirt. She replied with Threadless, and I had a major geek-out moment.

Unrad: The impersonality of virtual hugs.

Oh, we decided to play the other song instead of Salvation. This is an okay thing. The other one has a quite obvious, beautiful horn part as well. And less memories. Good stuff, folks.

Edit: Holy man. I read over this blog a few hours later and found so many grammatical errors. Sorry bud.

I've Got That Stylish Fever.

"In nature there's no blemish but the mind;
None can be called deformed but the unkind."

- Twelfth Night

That last blog was icky poo. I shall move it down with this slightly less icky post.

Firstly, I just got back from a wonderful performance of Twelfth Night. Can I please be a nerd and continue to post quotes?

"Let still the woman take
An elder than herself: so wears she to him,
So sways she level in her husband's heart:
For, boy, however we do praise ourselves,
Our fancies are more giddy and unfirm,
More longing, wavering, sooner lost and worn,
Than women's are."

"He does smile his face into more lines than is in the new map with the augmentation of the Indies." 3.2

"I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that does harm to my wit." 1,3

"Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage." 1.5

Take note that some of these quotes I picked because it was their delivery that made them stand out to me, rather than my reading of it. Anyway, I love this play. Moving on...

I am sick. I think. I've started pounding the Emergen-C, so hopefully this will prevent it from progressing faster and growing more severe. I am not telling you this as a mere request of sympathy, rather I bring it up to point out a quirk of mine that was recenty brought to my attention.

Oh. Gosh. I'm reading everything I type in my head with a Shakespearian accent. Mwuahaha. This is kind of fun. I have the jester's voice in my head. He also played one of the princes in Into The Woods (which happen to be one of my favorite characters in one of my favorite musicals), therefore I was a fan quite immediately of his part in Twelfth Night.

I shan't digress...

Sick. Me. Quirk. Back on track. Kay. SO...

When you're sick, and feel like crap, you just lounge about like a dying piece of meat around your house, right? This usually involves the comfiest clothes you own, like sweatpants or pajamas. If you absolutely must go out, you usually whip on your glasses and a sweatshirt, right? Well, I feel this is what I used to do. However, this is no longer the case. I noticed senior year of high school, that when I get sick, I take extra time on what I'm wearing for the day, and how I look. The days my friends would say, "You look cute today!" were usually the days I felt a large piece of my insides were being engulfed by death. It started out that I did it once or twice, just to try and hide that fact I was hosting a war of misery inside my body. I didn't make this connection until college, however, and now it has just become habit of mine to look better when I feel sick.

So, the other day when my friend said, "You look cute, why are you so dressed up?"

I non-hesitantly replied with, "I'm sick."

*cough. cough* ****

I feel as though this may be abnormal. Is this abnormal?

Rad: This. Is. SO. True. My new (well, mostly just less dead looking) hair color. Shakespeare. Letters.

Unrad: Sickness. Avoiding mistakes.

**** UNAVOIDABLE MEAN GIRL REFERENCE.

I Make No Sense. Carrots.

"I've never really been in love and that is fine by me. I'll sit at home and refine the person I want to be."

OH gosh! Life doesn't slow down! This week was supposed to be allyson-is-actually-going-to-for-real-catch-up-on-things week. However, I am not going to bore you with the relentless schedule of yours truly.

This picture has probably been relevant for my entire life. Sigh.

I did, however greatly enjoy the We The Kings concert. It was quite intense, and my body was deprived of comfortable needed functions for a very long time, but I've recovered folks. Between nearly frost bitten, to being the hottest I have been since the heat of summer, to ignoring bathroom needs because reaching the bathroom was impossible once you entered the mass of people, to not even remembering the last time I ate food of any sort... I was pretty okay with all of these things. I don't have great appreciation for many mainstream bands, but I've been fully convinced that We The Kings are legit. We stayed after and met them. They are great people, as well.

I've tried to label my taste in music so many times. How do you label a girl who would appreciate sitting in a small cafe listening to Iron & Wine as much as losing her ear drums listening to Muse in a giant arena? Add that with everything heard of and unheard of in-between, and it's just not possible. I used to have this massive list of my favorite artists back in the days of MySpace. This got too cluttered. Then I forced myself to have a list of five solid artists. This proved itself worthy of longevity... for a bit. After this, I said I like a lot of different things, pretty much anything. Then I make myself sound like a girl who's music taste doesn't extend from what's played on the radio. After this, I simply said my "favorite music" was too long of a list. More recently, I attempted a list again. This didn't last long, as I remembered time after time artists I wanted to add.

Finally, ladies and gentlemen, I think I have discovered a label for my taste in music. Under my "favorite music" tab on facebook now, I have describe it as eclectic.

This describes my taste in a wide variety of music, with a word that makes it sound at least a little bit intelligent.

Eclectic. I like this word.

So, two nights ago I had to do something that I wasn't particularly fond of, and don't always completely agree with. However, the better part of me knows it was the right thing to do... I think. Really, it's hard for me too... this break up of sorts. I promise, I have not become one of those cryptic girls who talks about her problems so vaguely like she doesn't want people to know, but secretly she's waiting to dish to everyone who asks. I just am unsure who will all read this, and I don't want to add fuel to fire. I just want to let those who have kept up on things in my life, that I did this breaking up of sorts. Everything is blowing up, and I'm trying to handle it as best as possible. All is not well, but it will be soon. I pray.

I've been receiving a lot more feedback on my blog recently, and it's a little bit intimidating. I almost feel a tinge of pressure to write something actually worth while. I may not though, just to warn you. Some days, little thought process goes into the fancied thoughts regurgitated from this ol' brain of mine. Most days I write in this as a means of therapy, kind of... because I have to write, as opposed to actually having something to say.

Random CrAzY FUN FACTS!

I'm still chugging along in the Harry Potter series. Class discussion is

becoming intriguing.

I just learned Promise the Stars on my uke, I'll sing harmony and Stacy will

sing melody. It's fun. :]

LOST LOST LOST

Rad: LOST. Michael Buble's voice... and face.

Unrad: Not being able to watch Lost with Jeff and Matt after Lancer Singers with popcorn and explaining every little thing to Matt, because some people are just a little slower than others. ;]]

Also, Break-ups of sorts.

eye luff ewe.

"Make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall."