Introversion, Solitude, and TFiOS

"Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, 

and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together

 unless and until all living humans read the book. 

And then there are books…which you can’t tell people about, 

books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection 

feels like a betrayal."

From my own experiences, I have noticed different types of wanting to be alone. While my tendencies usually sway toward the introverted side of things rather than the extroverted, I've never completely defined myself as an introvert. Some may say that's due to my pathological fear of labeling myself, but I have always defined it more as independence than introversion. Nevertheless, I, and I'm quite sure all of you, just want to be alone sometimes.

I've always been fascinated with being alone, or solitude, as it is. Solitude can be helpful, peaceful, relaxing, and it can help you grow mentally, spiritually, and physically. On the other hand, I think we all know solitude can drive us up a wall. When we let our solitude get the best of us, our thoughts start turning unhealthy. Thoughout history we have seen that, with time, people in isolation start going mentally crazy.


"The whole value of solitude depends upon one's self; it may be a sanctuary or a prison, a haven of repose or a place of punishment, a heaven or a hell, [it is] as we ourselves make it." -- John Lubbock

• For me, there's the desire to be alone due to the less attractive alternative. This usually happens when a gathering/party/contrived social gathering is on the horizon. Sometimes this desire to be alone is largely selfish, and should be pushed through. An evening of extroversion is often healthy, needed, and actually tons of fun.

• There's the desire to be alone after you have had a long day or week filled with high levels of extroversion, also known as a desire for recovery time. When this happens, it is most beneficial to give into it. Well, for me. If I don't let myself take a night off and be alone, I will probably be unattractively cranky the next day.

• There's the desire for solitude after big life events or a succession of life changes. This is the reflection period. If I find myself go go going without time to stop, I loose control. Taking time to be alone to reflect on events, pray, center yourself, etc. is probably the most healthy type of solitude.

• And then, there's a desire for solitude that forces you to let it run it's course, like I experienced today. It's the reason I wanted to watch the last Harry Potter film alone, and the reason I didn't want to talk to anybody the rest of the night afterwards. It's the reason that, after you finish a good book, you can't quite deal with exiting the fantasy and entering reality right away.

It's like you need processing time. Your brain needs time to decipher between what you just read and how it's going to apply it do your reality. You need time to remember the fact that the characters aren't, actually, your best friends. You need space to sort out the emotional jaunt these fictional characters just put you through, in order not to seem like an out of sorts human the rest of the day.

Today I finished The Fault in Our Stars, and was definitely forced to let this last one run it's course. So many thoughts to think and things to feel. I enjoyed it, for sure. And, I didn't cry. I know most people bawled, but I promise you I felt it just the same. Just without the waterworks.

I want to go back and define all the words I didn't understand, and post-it note the crap out of it with quotes.

Yeah. I'll go do that. TFiOS - your thoughts?


"You are so busy being you that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are."
- Augustus Waters by way of John Green's pen

Do you ever think about your life in terms of toiletries?

But see, I'm serious. Do you ever buy body wash or Q tips or shampoo and think about how long you'll have it, or where you'll be in life the next time you need to buy it? I do this all the time. Toiletries make me reflective. I just took a bath. While I used my body wash, I thought about how long I'd had it. Where I was when I bought it and what it has seen me through... good and bad.

Or it's even more easy with something like makeup remover pads or something, because you know 60 will last about 60 days. So when I buy them, I think about where I'll be in 60 days. Like, "Oh, by the time I'll get through these I'll know the answer to (fill in life question here.)"





Oh, dear.

Birthdays: 21st Edition

I had an awesome 21st birthday.
But, I was sick.

The day before my birthday got a hotel room and hung out with two of my friends from my previous college. We did strange things like tour biospheres and make friends with turtles. We did fun things like continue my tradition of eating out at the Brewers stadium and having red bull slushies. We took full advantage of the pool, semi advantage of the hot tub (as it was about 20 degrees above a safe temperature to have a human body immersed in for longer than a second) and tried to have fun. 

Then I got an awful sour stomach and awful chills. 

Before I go on, I must inform you. This was not because of alcohol. I had had about a half a glass of wine and 1/4 of one of those fluffy Smirnoff raz things that are pretty much juice.

But, this was fine. I had the chills for about 2 hours, it stunk, I slept, I woke, all better. Happy Birthday to me.

I spent my birthday with my sister and her boyfriend, then, and they took me to my very first roller derby. You know, like those things in Whip It? Yup. A full out, real life roller derby. They bought me a beer, I got a wristband for it, and watched women skate with an ability I will never have. It was awesome, don't get me wrong, I just didn't feel well.

One sip.

"Do you like it? It's my favorite kind."

Two sip.

"Yeah, it's... nice."

Three sip.

"Do you want another beer?"

"No, I'm good."

Oh look, another beer.

One sip.

Oh, come on. My sip was larger than that.

Two sip.

Seriously? This cup is seriously not that large.
Perhaps if I just tuck it under my seat no one will notice.

Cue chills. Mad, painful, body aching chills.

Cue ignoring.

Cue shout out from the MC... something along the lines of "Allyson, future roller derby legand's 21st birthday."

Cue forgetting to be embarrassed on account of the fact that my body was shutting down on me.

Cue going home and leaving two half empty cups of beer.

So, turns out I don't like beer so much.

That night was spent drinking apple cider, shaking, covered in 3 layers of blankets, and watching Family Stone. But it was nice. Fitting, really, seeing as that's more me than anything, really.

The next morning, the morning after my 21st, I went to my nephew's Christmas program service. Try convincing someone that a headache, body aches, and sour stomach is legitimately from a flu bug on the morning after your 21st. Because, like.. haha. It's like you're hungover! Hah. Heh. HA. Mmk. 

Plenty of Zantec, Advil D, Tylenol, Pepto, and 6 days later... I was healed.

Finally, a few nights later we went out for a friend's 21st after my high school's Christmas concert. That night ended up being a celebration for both of us. Free sangria, balloon, bar experience and all. The picture above is from that evening. My roommate and bestie TOA* and I. 

Anyway, Happy New Year, guys. :] 

Did you watch Dick Clark? He's still orange.

Ian Axel - This is the New Year

Right now I'm reading Will Grayson, Will Grayson for the first time. It's strange reading street names and being able to picture them exactly how they actually are in my head. Down to something as detailed as a park bench on such and such a corner. Enjoying it, for the most part, thus far!

xxx

*The other Alyson

Ps. Okay, okay, after a good number of years ignoring this Doctor Who thing (which, as Kristi so nicely corrected me is "Doctor" as opposed to "Dr." :] ), consider myself convinced. I will start it. Soon. 

Pps. I also love New Girl, but I feel as though Zooey's character is actually the worst one right now. Her character has one characteristic: quirky. They need to start giving her some depth, or something, real quick. Thoughts?

Labor of Love

Labor of Love (Andrew Peterson cover)

This is my friend Melinda. 

This is her pretty self. 

Enjoy.

I sincerely hope all of your Christmas' were wonderful and blessed. I'm in Tennessee as I write this, visiting family. I get to sleep with a golden retriever tonight. If that's not exciting, I don't know what is. 

Okay, Melinda, I've seriously listened to this song about 6 times now. Goodness, you should just sing for the rest of your life. I'm sure no one would mind. 

Because of break, I have been watching manya episode online. Now, time and time again everyone and their mother has been all up in everyone's business about Doctor Who. Frankly, I'm terrified of the series. It's HUGE and a maassssive undertaking and largely fandomed. Do any of you watch it?

Because starting Doctor Who intimidates me to the point of curling up in a corner, I took on a newer series, Up All Night. An easy eleven episodes. And it's SO good. Will Arnett (Arrested Development) is awesome. You should watch it.

I've been doing some Parks and Rec, too. Such a good cast.

Also, Bachelor starts in a few days. Can I get a shameful, "Yeaahhh!?!" I have no Bachelor buddy this season. Please be there for me, guys. We can hate all the same people. :]

What shows are you watching right now? 

I need to get back into the swing of things. Time off makes me funky. And gives me headaches. Why is that even a thing?

My blogs are boring. :[

Blog redeeming pretty pictures!

xxx

All Mustaches Go to Heaven

(Edit: This post was written a week ago. I haven't posted it because I was too lazy to draw an angel with mustache wings. I have since finished school and turned 21. More about those two things in the next few days. Anyway, continue.)

I just finished my first class in Chicago. Luckily, the first one to finish was the one in which the teacher very much disliked me for reasons I am not aware of. I managed to get a 'B' which is fine by me. You see, he didn't give us a grade... not one single grade until the day of the final project, today. So, he tells you your grade and you can basically do nothing but smile and be content. So I was.

He really didn't like me. The really annoying thing was that I was literally going out of my way to be nice to him and a good student as soon as I was receiving bad vibes from him. My style is different from his, that's for sure... but I never did an assignment incorrectly or strayed from the guidelines. From what I can gather, I feel as though he took my lighthearted ideas as not taking the assignment seriously. He was literally skeptical about each and every one of my ideas. The class, however, always had my back. Although today, the last critique, he said, "You have good ideas. Your execution is just overly simplified." GOOD IDEAS?! Stop it. Stop that.

Can I tell you what it says under artists statement on my portfolio?
"I believe design should be classy, clean, and effective." 


Sure, it's my comfort zone. But I feel as though your comfort zone is also what brands you as an artist. I'm not anti-expanding your abilities and horizons as an artist, but blah. I'm starting to finally find my groove, and let me tell you... it has nothing to do with translating anything tangible into a sketch on paper.

He proceeded to ask me how graphic design was going for me, as if my lack of ability to achieve the kind of drawings he wanted had a direct correlation for my ability to render projects on the computer. I told him it was going fantastically, promised to always carry a sketchbook, took my 'B' and told him to have a lovely Christmas.

(Just between you and me, I think the man is a compulsive liar.)

But I'm over it. Because the CLASS is over. So it's done done done.

The difference between a science class and a class in the arts is that in science, you're graded for what you know. It art, your grade comes from another person's opinion of a bunch of little pieces of who are are.

With that being said, I did end up kind of taking the last project a little too lightly. I drew a bunch of angels, gave them mustache wings, and wrote a two page story titled "All Mustaches Go to Heaven." It's a quality piece of fiction dealing with a little girl and her daddy's mustache during no shave November.

Lexie wanted me to draw myself as a superhero. Here you go, Lex. HERE YOU GO. (Ps. This wasn't part of what I turned in. That was hand drawn over many hours. This was pieced together in two minutes. Guys, I took the project at least somewhat seriously, gosh!)


You must admit, it is kind of clever.

It's definitely December

I finally switched over to the new Blogger template. I still need a few days to adjust. Hmm. Anyway, this year has already been the most Christmas filled year I have had ever in my life. Largely in part due to two things: my roomie, and Chicago.

This weekend was amazing. With everyone around me on the quarter system and not in school right now, I have the disadvantage of managing a "not in school" social life and an "in school" schedule. Therefore, I haven't been home in days, my room is a mess, I have no groceries, and I should have done laundry a week ago. HOWEVER, this was one of my favorite weekends in Chicago thus far.

Reasons:

1. Chicago has this thing called the Holiday train, where they take a normal el train decorate it inside and out with as much Chrstmas as possible. The seats, the outside, the lights, the music, the ads... Christmas. Everything. It's the most magical commute you will ever experience. Santa is even on it.

The seats may have been my favorite part.

Polar Express? Perhaps.

Even the awful jokes were magically endearing.

2. Then we went to the Zoo because during Christmas they have it lit up like crazy and Christmified to the max. The picture up top is of that. Plus, I had never even been to this zoo yet, so it was especially exciting. We all literally felt five. Which brings me to...

3. My friends are just as nerdy as I am. It's not strange geeking out at the most randomly simple things, because chances are one of them is geeking out more than I. And they're Nerdfighters. And we talked about Maureen Johnson and John Green and took pictures by puppy sized elephants. And we all had fancy cameras and all stopped at random times to take pictures. So you weren't "that one person whose camera is better than everyone else's and takes random artsy pictures." 

ALSO, it was getting to the point where we were all figuring out how similar our introverted nerdy similarities were that I asked one simple question. "Okay, so how did you start on the internet. I mean, what brought you to it. What was your first obsession."

In unison everyone said, "Neopets."

Done.

Puppy-sized Elephants

4. We went to this HUGE HUGE craft fair. And it was packed. But it was packed with awesomeness. Oh, and Jeananne and I wore antlers the entire day. At one point a woman on the street called us Donner and Blitzen. We're Don and Blitz.

5. Our apartment is crazy full of DIY Christmas crafts.

6. Christmas Christmas Christmas.

Okay, Lex... I got your request loud and clear and it's coming soon. I need to write like six more blogs this year because I wanted to have more than last year.

Happy Christmas, Harry!

Happy Christmas, Ron!

Why I Didn't Go Into Advertising

I love marketing, advertising, public relations and the like. I can talk about this stuff for a long time and goodness knows I have opinions.

But today, this happened:

The ever obvious Black Friday/ Rebecca Black's "Friday" connection. It's awful, it's obnoxious, and it's just annoying at best. It's already causing a scene on the internet. People have opinions, more bad than good. More dislike's than like's. When I first realized what this video was, I cringed... probably like half of America.

But, guys... mission accomplished. Everyone will now know about Kohl's Black Friday sale. It doesn't matter how much you hate the ad. You now know all about it.

It's funny to me the entitlement people feel when they share their opinion of disgust, when Kohl's is loving every second of it. It's getting people to talk, it's getting views, etc. Kind of like Rebecca Black herself, she was famous for being awful, but she was still famous. And she's now producing on a major record label.

Advertising is about getting it out there, regardless of how awful it is... as bad as that sounds. It's a tricky business with a ton of underhanded methods and secrets. Kohl's isn't stupid, folks. They're kind of brilliant.

It's fascinating to me, but it's sneaky. And I don't want my career to involve selling people things my whole life.

& that's what I think. Sorry that I write about boring things sometimes.