4.18 On Time, Huzzah!

"Went to the porch to have a thought.

Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.

You don't know where and you don't know when,

but you still got your words and you got your friends.

Walk along to another day.

Work a little harder, work another way."

-World at Large, Modest Mouse

Today I read this, and I would like you to read it as well, because I think it is perfectly lovely. It's a portion taken from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams.

"The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive.

But the Skin Horse only smiled."

Lovely, isn't it? One of my favorite things about this excerpt, besides the obvious content reasons, is the fact that she uses the verb "swagger". This book was published in 1922. :]

This morning wasn't much better than last night, as far as optimistic energy goes. I woke up at 11, but didn't get out of bed until 2. During this time I had a conversation via text with Josh that went like such:

J -"What are you doing today?"

Me -"Being lazy, depressive, melodramatic, and unhealthy."

"Why? Let's go play frisbee, it's beautiful out."

"I haaaate being social. fhjdsifghu. Besides, I have a serious case of bedhead. I need to get ready to be social."

"What."

"Having a bearable personality takes effort, and I enjoy being that of a lazy antisocial poophead."

"Um. Okay. I'll let you get ready."

Why does he put up with me? I have no answer. However, I am thankful he does. I got over myself by 3 P.M, only at the offer of coffee. I lead a simple life, really... no matter how complicated I may seem. I promise. Just offer me coffee.

I turned to Pandora to put me in a better mood while I was finally getting ready for the day, and chose the Coldplay station, because this is one band that never fails to make my heart lighter. Except, wait a minute.... FAIL. The first song to come on was Look What You've Done by Jet. People, this is a depressing song. Are you aware of the lyrics? Comical, really.

So then, after a fine afternoon, I decide to pick of Sylvia Plath's journals, and begin to skim a few entires. It just so happens I chose the ones where she first begins to talk of the idea of suicide. Not a mood stabilizer!

Why did all of us BEDA gals have off days this weekend? Let's cheer up, okay?

I wonder if I have a paper due tomorrow.... this may be Unrad.

Rad: Friends who put up with your antisocial tendencies. xx