I think I'm scared of vast, empty things. And being in them for extended periods of time.
Like, looking out into an ocean is as terrifying to me as it is fascinating.
One time, when I was a kid, we watched an IMAX movie about someone climbing Mt. Everest and it freaked me out so much. My parents (hi, Mom!) bought the soundtrack and would play it during dinner sometimes. I would get sad, but I couldn't tell them why, because I didn't really get it. But all I wanted to do was go to my room and definitely not listen to that soundtrack.
One time I cried during an episode of Sesame Street because something made me think of heaven. And heaven made me think of forever. And being somewhere forever freaked me out. So I cried.
Tonight we watched 127 Hours and I never ever want to watch it again.
I mean, it was very well done. But every time I thought about it, I would just start freaking myself out about everything. Life. Vastness.
It's not death. Death doesn't scare me.
I have this friend. I write him e-mails a lot late at night. Sometimes, they are very much not coherent. Sometimes they say things that spill out of my brain before I even get a chance to think about them. In some cases, this is a good thing - fresh thoughts. In some cases, this is a very bad thing. But, he is a good friend. He lets me think weird things and say things that make no sense. Sometimes, he even stops making fun of me. Also, he doesn't get afraid when he looks at an ocean. He's alright.*
This blog entry is my first thoughts, and I'm not sure if it will make any more sense in the morning. April might bring a few of these rambles, I hope you let me say a few things that make no sense.
In other news, I officially own a romper. After about a year and a half of trying on rompers that fit me ridiculously poorly, I found one that doesn't look half bad. I feel like this is a milestone of some sort!
The guy cut off his own arm. Like, okay. I'm going to not think about this movie anymore.
xx
*and by alright, I mean he's pretty much my best friend.
I totally know what you mean. Vastness is scary. Forever is scary. :(
ReplyDeleteMy parents own the book and I've flicked through the pages before but it's definitely not my kind of story. I admire that guy's mental strength, though.
ReplyDeleteThat feeling that you get when you look at the billions of stars in the night sky, or like you mentioned, out into the ocean, or realising how big the world is when you look down at it from a plane, or how short our lives are compared to forever - anything that makes us feel our insignificance is scary.
wow. i so get what you mean. sometimes when i'm in the midst of falling asleep, this feeling overwhelms me. i feel small. i feel compressed and the world is large. spreading out before me. taking over. it's scary. and i hate it.
ReplyDelete^^^^ exactly.
ReplyDeleteI totally get this. Sometimes I'll get to thinking about it and I can't stop. Mostly when I'm going to sleep. It's just too much for my little brain to comprehend.
Like Lex said, I often have thoughts like this when I'm lying in bed, about to go to sleep. They are terribly overwhelming, but in a sense, they fascinate me. In a sense, tackling vast, unknowable concepts is more frustrating to me than scary. I just don't like feeling so clueless about the way the universe works.
ReplyDeleteOn a brighter note, I'm glad you found a romper! I had the same struggle-to-find-a-non-awkwarly-fitting-Romper last summer, but when I finally found one I really like I wore it twice a week. =] It was a wonderful time!